5 things guidebooks don't mention about Poland

Guidebooks (like the Lonely Planet) are usually very, very good. I use them a lot - and they have saved my butt many times over. It is impossible to be very comprehensive, though. If you're planning to go to Poland, there are a few interesting things that the guidebooks leave out. I've listed down 5 of my "favorites":



1. Polish "voice overs"- when the TV show you're watching in Poland is in English, they keep the original soundtrack in tact - all sound effects, conversations, even the music. You will notice, though, that they add an additional sound "layer" - a strange man's voice is translating every spoken word into Polish. This is fine - however, its the same guy's voice every time. It doesn't matter if the person speaking on TV is 50-year old man, 20 year old girl, a 3 year old child, or Triumph, the insult comic dog - its his voice ALL THE TIME. Every TV show, every advertisement - its the same guy. And he is so emotionless - the lady on TV may be screaming in terror - he will speak in the same tone, at the same pace ALL THE TIME. Good thing I figured how to turn him off.

2. Thank you means something else - one of my Polish friends just spent 3 months in Manila. When he got back to Poland, he picked up some Filipino habits - i.e. pointing with your lips, saying "psst" when calling someone, etc. He also acquired the habit of saying "thank you" to waiters when paying the bill. Big mistake. When you're eating at a restaurant here in Poland, saying "thank you" is interpreted as "keep the change."

3. Małe piwo - this literally means "small beer." Colloquially though, its the Filipino equivalent of "sisiw." (for non Pinoys out there - "sisiw" literally means baby chicken). They say it to mean any of the following: that's nothing, no problem, that's easy - for the average Pole, a small beer really is very easy - next to nothing even. Sisiw lang yan!

4. Charlotka - this one literally means "Apple Pie." It can also refer to Żubrówka (that popular Polish vodka, with a blade of grass inside the bottle) mixed with apple juice. Żubrówka literally means something like "Bison brand vodka." The joke is that its unique taste comes from the blade of grass inside the bottle - grass that has been pissed on by some pissed-off Bison.

5. Salad with everything - anything you order will come with salad. You will just have to live with it. Boiled cabbage, carrots, beetroot (my personal favorite - NOT!), or pickles - they serve them with Chinese food, kebabs, hamburgers - literally everything. Try telling a waiter you don't want any of the Polish salad with your food, and you'll get strange looks.

These things are strange for me, however, they find me strange as well. When I ignore red traffic lights, honk at pedestrians, call waiters "boss," and speak a mixture of English and Filipino while on the phone with folks from Manila, I am branded as the strange foreigner.

To each his own, I guess.